


The Difference Between Trauma and Doomsday is Vernacular

by starofroselight (afwrit)



Series: server snapshot - [dsmp oneshots] [4]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Potatoes, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29864724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afwrit/pseuds/starofroselight
Summary: Tommy struggles to understand why one man can be so terrifying.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: server snapshot - [dsmp oneshots] [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165646
Kudos: 38





	The Difference Between Trauma and Doomsday is Vernacular

Tommy chews a spud in silence. The potato is raw and grainy. When he swallows it scratches hard against his throat.

He stares into the wall of lava keeping him trapped. There's an echo, then, of a dozen twitches in his chest and twinges of an emotion too painful to name. Something that sounds like:

_"It's never my time to die."_

He does not look at Dream.

His cellmate is a patient man. When the time comes, he won't have to speak. Dream doesn't need to prod that out of him. Eventually Tommy will talk, and he will talk because he is alone and scared. He will talk because he has no one else.

Tommy doesn't understand why his chest feels so tight. Tommy doesn't have the language to explain why his stomach twists when he sees Dream smile, or the words to convey what that terror means even when he was free waking up in cold sweats every night.

Tubbo called it grief, once.

_"You're not very good at dealing with grief, are you?"_

Tommy doesn't know a lot of things, but he knows that's not right.

He's heard the words therapy and recovery and depression. They've been parroted back to him a hundred times over, but no one ever thought to sit him down and explain what it means. What raw potatoes tasting like gunpowder is.

But there is something he does come to understand. When you are tired, when you are broken, when you are beaten down, every moment is doomsday.

Doomsday fits better than grief.

Doomsday is every moment Tommy trapped underground and gravel begins to cave.

Doomsday is a trident snatched from his hands, grounding him.

Doomsday is the hiss and call of the lava, Doomsday is the texture of obsidian beneath his calloused fingertips.

Doomsday is the fear that strikes him whenever someone calls Tommy their friend.

_"You're too fun."_

Perhaps if Tommy had the words to understand, Doomsday would be a panic attack. Doomsday would be survivor's guilt and depression, PTSD and classical conditioning.

Doomsday would be talking a brother down.

_"Look at me, look at me. Please don't do this, you don't have to blow this all up. . . Wilbur, this is our home and we can take it back, man. We're not the villains.”_

But Tommy doesn't know. Even if he did, who would listen? How could he get the words out without stumbling or cutting himself off?

Instead, it is Doomsday.

He survived Doomsday. And he will survive it again. He can weather a thousand Doomsdays if he has to.

He takes another bite of potato.

In the corner of the cell, Dream smiles.

_"See you soon, Wilbur."_

**Author's Note:**

> Character Tommy often struggles with verbalization, but even though he might not be able to speak his mind as eloquently or with as much charisma as Technoblade or Wilbur, it's important to understand and empathize with his struggles. I love him. Someone needs to be a good father/brother figure for this boy.
> 
> I wrote this immediately after Tommy was sealed in the Prison and as of current publication he's been murdered then brought back to life. The acting in the most recent VOD was phenomenal.


End file.
